Day 8: 226 Hours Remaining

Tonight was a dark night. Exhaustion is winning this game. Volunteering graveyard is becoming an endurance test. The cold, discomfort, uneasy, maddening, pointless, fear, screams in the street, sirens every hour. Joseph lived here for resisting Potiphar’s wife. It feels as though it will never end. I’m looking for the cupbearer. Where is he?

I’m falling asleep in my chair while I roll toilet paper. All alone in the clubhouse past midnight. The monotony drumming itself like a strange lullaby into my brain. The fog of it rolling over me and then I snap back to reality, stand up, shake my legs, roll some more. I studied midwifery for this? I’m trying to remember this is a promotion… this is a promotion… Doesn’t feel like it right now.

And earlier in the day, on three hours sleep, I realized that I could not even hold it together enough to work a reception job to make ends meet right now. I just need to stick my nose to the grindstone on this and get it done!

A text vibrates my purse which is strapped tightly to my side at all times. Too afraid to leave it anywhere now that the one drawer I trusted has broken. I sneak a peek.

“I’m sorry ur feeling down. I know ur going through a lot of shit right now but it will get better soon. Not many more days til ur half way through with ur community service right?! 🙂 after that’s over I’m sure things will start looking up. Everything ur going through is totally undeserved bullshit but at least ur not in jail and u can still hug ur kiddos! 🙂 try not to get too down Katie, ur awesome!!”

It’s these little bits of manna scattered throughout the days and nights that gets me through. The random texts, emails, calls, donations. Reminding me that I am not alone. It is the loneliness that allows depression to take hold. I’m an extrovert and this is slowly starving me of the air I breathe.

I need to get off the graveyard shift. I need to be around people.


About supportmidwifekatiemccall

Katie McCall was born at Pomona Valley Hospital in Southern California by scheduled c-section as a frank breech due to the current medical system insistence that breeches should always be delivered that way. Katie's father's family was filled with teachers, her mother's family was filled with healers. It is no surprise then, that she went on to have her own two children and spend her adult life involved in a combination of teaching and healing through midwifery, childbirth education, doula work and serving families in Southern California. Katie attended USC for her general education and then went on to study with the American Academy of Husband Coached Childbirth to become a certified childbirth educator. Shortly thereafter, she certified as a birth doula (labor assistant) with the Association of Labor Assistants and Childbirth Educators. Katie was also mentored through a pregnancy and birth support business called The Birth Connection in Glendale, CA, which Katie later purchased and expanded to include a 1500 square foot education facility, retail store and birthing center. She enrolled in midwifery school and apprenticed with the midwives who ran the birth center as well as with midwives who attended homebirths. She sold her business to pursue her midwifery education full time in 2006 and passed her midwifery (NARM) exam to become a Certified Professional Midwife in 2008. She went on to gain her Midwifery License from the State of CA Medical Board in 2010. Katie has received supplementary education in lactation to become a lactation educator, vaginal birth after cesarean support, support of sexual abuse survivors, aromatherapy and is neonatal and CPR certified. She assisted over 500 couples through childbirth education and attended over 550 births as of 2011. As a Southern California native, she has a wide range of experience, serving mothers from diverse backgrounds. She believes her job is one of empowering women to develop their own trust and connection with their bodies and their babies during their own unique journey into motherhood. If she has learned anything through her experience with birth, it is that every birth is as different as the women who are laboring. On August 17th, 2011 Katharine “Katie” McCall, a licensed midwife, was convicted of practicing medicine with out a license for a 2007 birth she assisted as a student. The charge arose from a home birth where Katie's supervising midwife could not arrive because she was at another birth. Instead of leaving the family to birth unassisted, Katie stayed. She recommended that the family transfer to the hospital and the family refused. They were aware that she was only a student midwife and that she was unable to secure an overseeing mid View all posts by supportmidwifekatiemccall

2 responses to “Day 8: 226 Hours Remaining

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