Tag Archives: feminism

An Interesting Conversation

Just a glimpse into some of the day to day conversations that get thrown my way. Here is a conversation online that I recently had with a woman that I do not know on a post about the safety of home birth. I will call her “Birtha.” She jumped in on the middle of conversation and here is what she had to say:

Birtha: I don’t even know where to start with all this. Clearly, as a mother, I would do anything and everything to make my child’s life better, and to give her any advantage I can give her. That is why I stupidly fell into the propaganda and tried a home birth. So I understand where the gals are coming from here. However, it is shocking to me to hear that this is being framed as a “woman’s choice” argument rather than what it should be framed as: what is best for the mother AND a baby’s health. VBAC- Say mamma wants to do one at home. Or do a breech birth at home. How narcissistic and selfish is it for a mother to risk her child’s life simply to gain bragging rights of having a “natural” child birth? Because that is what this is about ladies, and you’re all fucking kidding yourselves if you deny it. This is about being able to walk down the street holding your stretched out vagina for all other lesser epidural-receiving and C-Section-having mothers out there to see and covet. This is a female-instigated, anti-feminist competition amongst women to prove they are stronger and better than other women. Think for a moment if men started telling women to ignore the FACT that child birth is the leading killer of women on this earth, and MEN (and god forbid they be males in the dominant patriarchal paradigm of the monetized birthing industry) telling women to forgo access to life saving medicines, technologies and doctors even though hospital births are proven SAFER, ya’ll would have a shit fit. But since this propaganda is being pushed by WOMEN, women are accepting it. And another thing! (RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE) Last time I checked, midwives charge money for their services too. So are midwives now corrupted? Maybe all midwives should accept payment with dried corn or fancy lace to keep their holier-than-thou purity. Next, I am a licensed (non-medical) professional. And if anyone ever attempted to do what I do without a license, I would immediately report them to the Board which oversees my profession and lobby strongly for harsh discipline. There is a reason why licensure is required…and it is to protect the public. Just as I don’t want a cabbie doing my dialysis, I wouldn’t want Lindsay Lohan as my cabbie. If you want to practice in a PROFESSION, then get a license AND INSURANCE. Lastly, the link on the crazy fucked up things the Oregon midwives do to NON- CONSENTING BABIES…I can tell you, speaking falsities about someone’s professional business acumen is defamation per se. There is no defense to defamation per se except truth. My assumption is, any of these black dots or red squares who felt they were lied about would shut that blog down with a single cease and desist letter. Lastly…it never ceases to amaze me that the same women who so ardently condemn conservatives for denying global warming when all scientific data points to the reality of global warming, are the same women who deny all scientific data on birthing at home. Super lastly, it’s super natural for male chimpanzees to eat baby chimpanzees. In going the home birth route, I initially wanted my husband to chew the head off my daughter when she popped out…but thought it may have negative ramifications in the media so ultimately I chose against killing my baby. Not because I cared about my baby, but because I cared about what other people would think about me. Super dooper lastly, I told my midwife 3 or 4 times that I needed to go to the hospital because something was wrong. Each and every time she said “You know if you go to the hospital, they’ll give you Pitocin, and you’ll end up having a C-Section. Do you want that?” And she would walk out of the room. Ultimately, I asked her to permanently leave the room, and told my husband to take me to the hospital and to not let the midwife stop me. Why in the fuck would someone who is allegedly for women’s choice repeatedly stand in the way of a birthing mother’s knowledge of her own body’s limitations? That, my friends, is the ultimate anti-choice move, and it was motivated by her desire to keep her transfer statistics low. Ultimately, I endured 27+ hours of needless labor because my baby was sideways, and the midwife didn’t know. The stupid cunt. But would I change anything about it? Absolutely not because I’m not an insufferable, judgmental bitch anymore about the absolutism on natural child birth. Actually, i would change one thing. I would have covered up my titties before having the Cedars valet park my car. In my book, character and credibility is everything when it comes to touching vaginas. You want ad hominem? I give you ad hominem: https://supportmidwifekatiemccall.wordpress.com/2012/06/02/the-gift-i-received-june-1-2012/ You were found guilty of practicing medicine without a license. Yet you show no remorse. No wonder it is so important for you to be right about something that can be so dangerous. Because it if is dangerous, you’d have to admit culpability to almost killing a woman through gross ignorance and arrogance. Again, if your former client is a liar, then sue her. It’s defamation per se and you would win. I make mistakes all the time. But I own up to them, and learn from them. You, on the other hand, are extremely dangerous because you do not learn from your mistakes. Rather, you’ve decided to paint yourself as poster child of the Pro-Home Birth Movement, and martyr for the rights of women everywhere. I believe this conversation is over.

Me: So, if you were at a birth where a mother refused transport as a student, you would just leave I assume? If you truly believe birth is so dangerous, my guess is you would anticipate the need for someone with skill to be present. Yet you attack me for saving a life? I don’t know where all your anger comes from, but I pity you. I was a believer is self-ownership and liberty long before I was ever pursued by the medical board. I pray nobody ever goes through what I did, including you. That is why I continue to fight for your liberty to birth (or not) wherever you like. Attack me all you like, but if the tables were turned and someone wanted to force YOU to birth at home (as you allege your midwife did), you would kick and scream for your right to do otherwise. Funny you posted this and not the response to it. https://supportmidwifekatiemccall.wordpress.com/2012/06/03/a-more-detailed-response/
Birtha:Why haven’t you sued your former client, her husband and the acupuncturist for slander and libel if what the three of them are saying is false? I cannot believe you have not taken responsibility for your actions even after this. There is a phone. There is 911. You were not, and are not, the victim. Would I leave? No. Would I try to birth a baby myself, and sew someone’s snatch without a license? No. And you have yet to respond to the study I posted. And I read your second post. The more detailed response. The “contradictions” of the mother you point out are collateral matters and do not change the reality of the situation. Your attorney’s statement in open court does not disprove anything. Attorney comments are not admissible evidence. Just because the plea offer is not in the records of either party does not mean it did not occur. Just because the mother did not see your hands ungloved while extracting the placenta does not mean her husband or the acupuncturist did not see your ungloved hands. Just because the father saw you holding a phone does not mean you actually called someone. Did your defense attorney subpoena your phone records to prove a good faith attempt to contact one of the unlicensed midwives you allegedly called? Your last link just attempts to obfuscate. But importantly you admit to practicing medicine without a license. And you need not worry about a Board going after me. I would never do something like this in a million years.

Me:I’m still not at my computer. I have not sued anyone because their stories corroborate mine in the most important places. I was not found guilty of not calling 911. An emergency situation was proven by the three medical experts and the EMT who was present. The question was whether I practiced medicine. I did. I’ve never said I didn’t. I’ve only said that if I had not someone may have died. That is all. The recent anonymous letter does not say who it is from, so who am I to sue, especially since it says the opposite of what the witnesses said under oath. So, either the author was not one of the witnesses or the author is guilty of perjury. Either way, I have no way of knowing who wrote it. And may I remind that the only LICENSED medical provider at the birth ALSO did not call 911. Why do you think that is? There is a PICTURE of my gloved hands. Phone records are inadmissible as hearsay. The father did not just see me with a phone, they also said I called the midwife. Nobody saw you when you were alone with your child, does that mean you are guilty of beating him? I’m very concerned about the path we are on here… A sad future for our children indeed. It now appears you are just wanting to attack me personally. Why is that?

Birtha: Just in case anyone one was wondering: 1. Phone records are not inadmissible hearsay. They are an exception to the hearsay rule if verified by the custodian of records of the service provider. 2. If someone defames you online, you may file suit in Los Angeles Superior Court against DOES 1-100, and then use the case number to issue a subpoena against the ISP to gain identification information of a) the owner of the email address and/or b) the computer from which the message was sent. 3. Or you can just go sue the only other three people in the room with you and subpoena all their computers to find out who it was, and dismiss them when their computers turn up nothing. 4.  here is a copy of the midwife’s IC agreement: http://www.centerfornaturalbirth.com/documents/welcome/CNB_Informed_Consent.pdf You will see there is nothing in there regarding the fact that 37% of all nulliparous women stand a chance of transfer to a hospital, nor are there any references to increased infant mortality. Also interesting, is that a birthing mother must agree to go to the hospital upon recommendation of the midwife. (Meaning, if the midwife is responsible, and recognizes an emergency situation, even if the mother does not want to be transferred, she has waived that right to object to transfer.) You will also note, the midwife agreement only covers LICENSED MIDWIVES. Not aspiring midwives or shoe salesmen. 5. Just for your info.
Me: ‎1. That’s not what my judge said in court 2. There was no ISP as the letter was posted publicly by a third party who said she got it from a friend who got it from a friend and refused to disclose her source. Further, you think I have money to hire a PI or something? I’m a single mother over here who’s job has been stripped from her. 3. Three people in the room? Who are you talking about? 4. That’s not MY IC or the midwives I work with. And yes, agreed… all the more reason the only LICENSED person at the birth I attended should have been the one to recommend the hospital and yet she argued against my recommendation.

A Moment of Silence

There is so much grief I’ve carried this last year. All within my heart are pockets stuffed with tears. If you saw the Nessie short at the beginning of Captain America, that’s me.

But when I look back through the last few years for a reason for all of this, I can only see a long trail of sacrifices I made for mothers and babies. When I examine the root for why I went into midwifery to begin with, I only find the love I felt when my first baby was placed in my arms for the first time. That mother love was so profound it spilled out into everything I touched from that moment on. It rang out and splashed out on everyone I met. The passion to share that joy was engulfing and consuming. I find no other motive.

I’m sad the judge said I could not have done what I did for altruistic reasons. I’m sad for him that he doesn’t know women like the ones I’ve been honored to work beside. Fellow birth servants who are bing lit by the same fire to serve families until we breathe our last breath.

Our hearts sound like this song. We dance to the beat of a different drum than the one most of society hears. Our rhythm is a  timeless feminine song that is the love of mothering as old as women. It is a song that has been missing in our country and is desperately needed RIGHT NOW.

————————————-

The song, linked above, is called Suo Gan and is a Welsh lullabye from mother to child. The lyrics, translated, are:

Sleep my baby, at my breast,
’Tis a mother’s arms round you.
Make yourself a snug, warm nest.
Feel my love forever new.
Harm will not meet you in sleep,
Hurt will always pass you by.
Child beloved, always you’ll keep,
In sleep gentle, mother’s breast nigh.
Sleep in peace tonight, sleep,
O sleep gently, what a sight.
A smile I see in slumber deep,
What visions make your face bright?
Are the angels above smiling,
At you in your peaceful rest?
Are you beaming back while in
Peaceful slumber on mother’s breast?
Do not fear the sound, it’s a breeze
Brushing leaves against the door.
Do not dread the murmuring seas,
Lonely waves washing the shore.
Sleep child mine, there’s nothing here,
While in slumber at my breast,
Angels smiling, have no fear,
Holy angels guard your rest.

Day 13: 192 Hours Remaining

I will not wear pigtails to the shelter again. That sentence has been written a hundred times on my mental chalkboard today.

In the laundry room I got a smile, an air blown kiss and a borderline gesture. The 72 year old fellah who gave me these gifts got a loud “no, sir” and a head shake. In return he laughed and gave me a thumbs up. Apparently, not only am I cute, I am also entertaining today. And that was my warning. I should have pulled my pigtails out right there.

I got a wink and a sign language something or other from another man, this time more my age, when he picked up his laundry. Behind his back, one of the staff ladies was yelling at him, irritated. Then she yelled over at me, “That man could at LEAST turn around and answer me when I call him!” She was a little flustered when I told her he couldn’t hear her because he is deaf. “I could write a book about this place” she muttered.

I almost told her I could too.

While carrying a sheet by the corners that was filled with ten tons of sheets and towels across the courtyard, a very large man said “You are the prettiest doctor I’ve ever seen.” To which I replied, “Good thing I’m not a doctor.” What kinds of rumors are spreading about me in this courtyard? Why must all babies be caught by doctors, even in the rhealm of homeless men’s theories?

And then, a debate with another community service worker (who swears he’s just a volunteer, even though I’ve seen him sign into the community service log book) about politics. He a socialist, me a libertarian. Leave it to a socialist to lie. He angered me by his constant referral to me as a wealthy, entitled white woman.

After a while I just got tired of it and went and hid by Wendy to escape the stereotypes and everyone’s seeming interest in turning me into something inanimate and alien. Interesting to be the minority.

Eric was counting vets in the same room with us and at one point, his head lifted briskly and his eyes scanned the courtyard. Almost immediately, Wendy did the same. The action was a bit like seeing your dogs lift their heads and turn towards the back door for some unknown reason. It leaves you wondering what they heard and you stand, frozen for a moment in time, because you know that they could either start barking an alarm or they could lay their heads back down and drift back off to sleep.

Eric and Wendy chuckled at each other and then resumed their tasks.

“If I had Wendy on one shoulder and Eric on the other, I would be the safest woman in Los Angeles.” I told them. I really did secretly wish this was so. I knew that Wendy would yell at the greasy old man and Eric would punch anyone who tried any moves.

 

Wendy awwwed and gushed at the compliment but Eric seemed to not hear, though I thought I caught just the edge of delight at the corner of his mouth. Eric is one of those men who stands like a stone covering a well of water.

 

A woman came in wearing a towel around her waste and Wendy told her she has to put clothes on. She unwound the towel to show she had shorts on underneath, to everyone’s relief. But as she did, she dropped a crack pipe. Oops. Crack pipe went in the trash and crack addict was ejected out of the gate and back onto the street.

On my way back to my car at the end of the day, a man asked me if I needed a place to sleep. I brushed past him hoping he wouldn’t make me. I clutched the mace in my purse tightly. 

A half a block further I was hollared at by two men in suits from a convertable BMW.

“Hey, honey… are you looking for a job?” One of them asked.

My pimp alarm went off and I declined their offer. Johns must be getting desperate in these economic times.

Five seconds later my pigtails were tied up in a messy bun. I will not wear pigtails to the shelter again.